When I thought of going up...

It had been a month since my last post, and I must say it was not my best time of the year, and hopefully it's already the worst. Hehehe...

When I read that post again, I feel like...wow so much positive attitude. And the not so good things happened just few hours after that. And there was begin, the rotation of my life, to the deepest point it possible go. Just when I thought I never going to walk such a route in my life again.

Started with almost failed second evaluation, and I really thought the lecturers is very nice so they won't failed me, because I'm so speechless after this and that, and I still got average score.

Then my father got second heart attack. Which made me totally furious because he don't scared enough to really take care of his health even after the second one. Keep eating like he never eat before. And don't forget the hospital bill. Arggh....

And when all of that is not enough, I got the last super blow today. The third evaluation, which I totally failed. Need to redesign the project again (I had redesigned it 4 times). And if till the end my design can't satisfy my lecturer, it's another semester for me.

My mental condition is so fragile right now, my tears just keep coming out when I type this. Even just remember about it can make me cry.

It's often felt like this is too much and I can't bear it anymore. I just want to drop it and run away. But it's not the answer right. Because running away is easy, live and move on is the hard way.

So I will cry...and cry... and let all those tears flow tonight.

And tomorrow, I will get up with new mental state. This project, I will love it once more. I will enjoy it like there's nothing else can make me happier.

And I shall swear to myself. If I remember this moment in another three, five, or ten years, I will remember it as the momentum, when I became stronger, to face any difficulties in life.

Breath..... let it go.... and start a new.

GO!!