3 am will never be the same...

Ah... what am i doing? I write this post on 4.36 am, not doing anything beside browsing like a fool. My mind and heart even not here...

My projects? I'm bored to do it. Just wish there's a time machine. I'll just fast forward to after the trial, and feel my freedom back.

But.... I've just heard a story. Scary and shocking, and I like hold my breath while listening. Another evidence, that God sent to me, to tell me, you don't know anything about this world.

The God, tell me, you don't know what pain is, you don't know what misery is.
You don't know how to appreciate, to be grateful.
You don't know how much love is given to you.
You don't know... yet I hope you know now.

My mind is numb, my heart is still. I had nothing to say, just because a guilty feeling start to grow inside of me. I should have known better. I really should have. But I didn't.

I want to ask for forgiveness, but I dare not. What's the use? It can't change anything.

Stupid me.

Ohh.... Sweet Disposition

To prove that I'm actually become crazy, I'll post something again between my hectic moments. Hohoho... This time it is lyrics from Ost. 500 Days of Summer. I wish I could watch it at Jiffest, but can't find time for it.

Sweet Disposition
by The Temper Trap

Sweet disposition
Never too soon
Oh reckless abandon,
Like no one’s watching you

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh

Just stay there
Cause I’ll be comin’ over
While our bloods still young
It’s so young, it runs
Won’t stop til it’s over
Won’t stop to surrender

Songs of desperation
I played them for you

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh

Just stay there
Cause I’ll be comin’ over
While our bloods still young
It’s so young, it runs
Won’t stop til it’s over
Won’t stop to surrender

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won’t stop til it’s over)

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won’t stop til it’s over)

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs (won’t stop til it’s over)

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A moment, a love
A moment, a love (won’t stop to surrender)

The bold words just to show my determination to go through all of this! Fighting!!

download it here

Syalalala.....

Haloo lagi... lagi ada waktu di sela-sela merender 3d, jadi kupikir iseng-iseng posting sesuatu di sini. Sebenarnya dah ada beberapa topik yang sudah terngiang-ngiang di kepala, tapi berhubung belum mood untuk menggali lebih dalam, jadi biarlah itu untuk lain kali saja. =P

Saya cuma ingin berbagi beberapa kosakata yang sudah dipelajari selama menghadapi skripsi ini.
1. kutu
2. keriting
3. kriboww...
4. cad-ing
5. hm.... satukan semua kata di atas dalam satu kalimat, dan begitulah perasaan saya terhadap skripsi ini =P

Selain itu, saya juga belajar beberapa kosakata Korea, thanks to a friend, hehehe...
1. sarangheyoo.... (aku cinta kamu)
2. miandaheoo.... (maaf)
3. cinca?..... (sungguh?)
4. bogoshipda... (aku rindu kamu)
5. buin... (istri)
6. shillang... (suami)
7. noona... (kakak perempuan)
8. hyung... (kakak laki-laki)
9. sunbae... (senior)
10. dongsaeng.... (junior)
11. aigoo...... (haiyaa....)
12. aegyo... (cute act)

Aahh... itu dulu, masih belum cukup buat percakapan sih. =P Tapi bahasa korea itu sungguh rumit, ada imbuhan-imbuhan untuk menunjukkan hormat atau bahasa formal dkk, pengucapannya juga agak2 susah. Untung bahasa Indonesia ngga ribet banget seperti itu, hihihi...

Well, sekian intermezzo ini, back to 3d. ;P

This and That...

Okay...finally can overcome the desperado feeling and so on for a bit. And now my mood is like "I don't care anymore." Hihi...

But because I still have to do this once for all, then I'll just have some refreshing by writing a new post. This post will list things I will do once I get out of all of this "final" thing.

1. Sleeping as much as I want, or should I say hibernating.
2. Reading as much fanfic because most of them so funny and well written (in fact, that is what I'm doing now between my hectic moments =P)
3. Watching movies or DVDs.
4. Going mal to mal! I know it's silly, but this year I think I'd missed all those Christmas decoration and it frustrated me a bit.
5. Beach time!! This one will be a must. =P

Well, with all of this things listed, I'll keep my spirit working till my freedom come. =D

...

Still not escaped from this dull feeling....arghh....

I know you bored with all of this stupid babling but I just can't help to hate and hate myself more. I feel lazy then I didn't do what I must do, then feel bad about myself for being such unproductive brat in so tight schedule like this.....

I feel the positive attitude just evaporated to the air....... and I can't catch it.

Arrghhh......even the long sleep, delicious food, or blogwalking can't make this mood back to the right track.

I think I need more "kerokan" now. =P

Ferorithy

Each time I read my postings in this blog, I always thought to myself...whoaa... who is the person tho wrote this?? hehehehe...

It just seems that either my post too bright or positive, yet the other times too sad to endure. If I have amnesia and forget all about this blog, I'll surprised to find I'm the one who wrote them. =P

Okay... after too positive resolution on last post, yet I meet up with my worst enemy. It's called laziness. Hihi... You know this is not an enemy you want to meet when you only have less than a month to finish three months task.

I'm afraid, and I've heard the little voice in my head yelled "Hurry, run away!!" But I have to keep my mind still, and keep my heart from breaking into more pieces. Keep telling myself, this is just how the world attempt to make me stronger, to make me grow up, to make me believe in myself.

So to the laziness devil, can you please get out of my way?!! I'm not asking, but ordering you. Go away! And call the inspiration devil to come here. He's the one I need, at least he won't quarrel with "keep working" angel so much. =P

Anyway, I'm just babling here. This is not me after all. Just someone who need to clear her lazy mind. And for better tomorrow, let's sleep for tonight. Start the countdown tomorrow!!

**Suddenly I thought about song from Madagascar. I like to move it move it. She likes to move it move it.... Strange....Hahaha...

When I thought of going up...

It had been a month since my last post, and I must say it was not my best time of the year, and hopefully it's already the worst. Hehehe...

When I read that post again, I feel like...wow so much positive attitude. And the not so good things happened just few hours after that. And there was begin, the rotation of my life, to the deepest point it possible go. Just when I thought I never going to walk such a route in my life again.

Started with almost failed second evaluation, and I really thought the lecturers is very nice so they won't failed me, because I'm so speechless after this and that, and I still got average score.

Then my father got second heart attack. Which made me totally furious because he don't scared enough to really take care of his health even after the second one. Keep eating like he never eat before. And don't forget the hospital bill. Arggh....

And when all of that is not enough, I got the last super blow today. The third evaluation, which I totally failed. Need to redesign the project again (I had redesigned it 4 times). And if till the end my design can't satisfy my lecturer, it's another semester for me.

My mental condition is so fragile right now, my tears just keep coming out when I type this. Even just remember about it can make me cry.

It's often felt like this is too much and I can't bear it anymore. I just want to drop it and run away. But it's not the answer right. Because running away is easy, live and move on is the hard way.

So I will cry...and cry... and let all those tears flow tonight.

And tomorrow, I will get up with new mental state. This project, I will love it once more. I will enjoy it like there's nothing else can make me happier.

And I shall swear to myself. If I remember this moment in another three, five, or ten years, I will remember it as the momentum, when I became stronger, to face any difficulties in life.

Breath..... let it go.... and start a new.

GO!!